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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?